Starting off nice and gently

As a first forray into the world of beer and chocolate, I indulged a long-time curiosity: that of the classic supermarket 'value beer'. Being my regular shop of choice, Sainsbury's was the natural option and from there I purchased a 4-pack of Sainsbury's Basics Lager for the low low price of 88p. That's about the same price as a small bottle of mineral water or 11 text messages or, to be more relavant, 8p more than one can of the Carling that was reduced because the cans had been dropped and damaged. Straight away I knew I was onto a winner.

With any product this budget, it's all about the maths. How do it's attributes compare to other brands and is it worth slumming it? Here's a formula:

SBL = C + H20

where SBL is Sainsbury's Basics Lager, C is Carslberg and H20, obviously, is water.

That's what it tastes like. Mix Carlsberg and tap water in equal parts and I'm pretty confident you would get SBL, although in fairness it didn't lose it's fizz like I was expecting so maybe you'd need to give the mix a quick blast in the Soda Stream to get the real deal.

Aside from the taste, this formula also applies to the alcoholic content which, as you can see from the photo, is 2.0% vol. This has obvious drawbacks but look a little deeper and you'll uncover the beauty of this situation. Allow me to remind you that this beer cost me 22p per can, off the shelf, undamaged, and a dented (and probably fizzed up) can of Carling was 80p. More maths:

Carling is, I think, about 4.1% vol and each can contains 440ml of beer.

4.1% of 440ml = 18.04ml of alcohol for 80p. (Carling)

2.0% of 1760ml (440 x 4) = 35.2ml of alcohol for 88p.

That's 95% more alcohol for just 10% more money. Providing you can fit four times as much liquid into your belly at the same rate, or even half the rate, you're quids in! As it turns out, I can't.

I had one can on an empty stomach, then another while I ate this

by which time I could just about tell I'd had a drink. But alas, I had drunk too fast - mainly due to the spiciness of the studenty 'chicken curry and beans on toast with extra hot curry powder' concoction - and I was full. I persevered with the remaining 2 cans but in the end it had taken me the best part of 2 hours to polish off all 4 and if you'd taken that long to drink the equivalent of 2 pints I don't think you'd be drunk either.

Overall it's not a bad purchase. It doesn't taste great but, hey, neither does Carling or Carlsberg or Fosters or any of the other staple lower priced pub lagers, and the figures don't lie - you could effectively get twice as drunk for about half the price of off-the-shelf, undamaged brand lager. But if you intend to utilise this outstanding alcohol-to-price ratio, I wish you the best of luck not getting stomach convulsions because, in reality, the volume-consumption-to-time ratio just doesn't work out.


JG's top tip

Let's face it, your kids are going to go to parties. They're going to get their hands on booze during their teenage years. I mean, you did, right? So instead of standing idly by while they pay well over the odds to get a tramp to buy them a bottle of vodka - spirits are more damaging remember - control their use. Buy little Jimmy a couple of 4 packs of this stuff. He'll take all night to drink it, won't get that drunk and it's weaker tasting so he'll be able to stomach it more. Plus he'll look well cool in front of his mates drinking 8 cans to himself. To hide the cheapo looking can and the 2% that could make him a laughing stock, invest in a a label maker so he can design his own 'Super Strength Hardcore Lager - Not Suitable for Sissies' labels. He'd like that.