The Cadbury's Creme Egg Bar

The Creme Egg is a work of art. It has all the basic anatomical parts of an egg - the shell, the white and the yolk - but it's sweet as hell and you don't have to cook it (although I've heard of it being done - not to be recommended). And it's popularity is such that it is, to my knowledge, the only chocolate egg enjoyed by the Great British public all year round, not specifically easter. I think the closest thing is the Mini Egg but I don't think I've seen them eaten thoughout the year, plus it's essentially a big Smartie and Smarties are better. Fact. The CCE is unique in its simplicity.

As a fan of the Creme Egg (can't you tell?) I was curious to see what the bar equivalent had to offer. What's the point of it? It's the same thing in a different shape, which, quite significantly I thought, is not an egg shape. So in its nature, this taste test was relatively pointless, the differences being, as they are, obvious. Perhaps pointless is the wrong word - it was more simple. So in-keeping with this, I will keep the review simple by listing the advantages and disadvantages:

Advantages:

• It's easier to eat. Ever tried to eat a Creme Egg 'on the run'? Commuting to work perhaps? No, nor me. We all know how stupid we would look licking out an egg on the train. This bar offers the solution.
• As commented by my friend Jamie, "It has a higher chocolate-to-filling ratio". That stuff can get pretty sickly and this shift in balance prevents that sugary dry-mouth that can often occur with the classic egg.
• From Cadbury's point of view, I'm sure it's easier to make given that they already make several bars the same shape - Dairy Milk, Caramel, etc. Just pump a different filling through the machine. This also means that it fits in with their chocolate bar range so they can boost the brand image of several bars at once. It inspires recognition of quality in the consumer. They're doing it with all sorts of things; it started with changing the Caramel to the Dairy Milk Caramel and now it's spreading - look out for the Turkish Delight bar.
• Now they're putting the filling into other things it surely can't be long until they incorporate a small Creme Egg into Cadbury's Roses. Once they do, Quality Street is as good as dead.
  

Disadvantages:

• It has a higher chocolate-to-filling ratio. I know I said it's an advantage but some people just can't get enough of that gooey filling. Why ruin it with more chocolate, eh? I though I'd better cover the bases anyway.
• It's not an egg. They must have faced this dilema. People know what a Creme Egg is. If they'd called it the Dairy Milk Creme would anyone make that association? Doubtful. But at the same time it's not an egg! Can't blame them though, I don't know what I would have called it. It's still not an egg though. Idiots.
• Is this the end of the Creme Egg? What if this takes off? Is it really worth their while to keep manufacturing the eggs when they've got a standard machine that makes bars all the same shape? Only time will tell.
  
• The whole 'how do you eat yours?' thing goes out the window. That's half the fun of the egg. They built their whole ad campaign around it and now people really do discuss it pretty much every time more than one of them is eating a Creme Egg. (Incidentally, I usually bite off the big end and lick out the filling while nibbling around the outside to keep the insides in range - much the same way I eat a Cornetto. I used to attack the egg - boiled eggs too - from the small end before I realised that it restricts access. Think about it.)

So I'll let you make up your own mind based on these, quite frankly predictable, thoughts. I liked the Dairy Milk Creme Egg bar, it was nice. But it's not an egg.

JG's top tip

I didn't experience the full wonder of the bar until I dipped it into a mug of hot tea. The majority of all bars should be dipped for maximum pleasure and this is no exception. You can hardly dip an egg can you? On the other hand, you can dip Cadbury's Fingers into the egg so it's swings and roundabouts.

Starting off nice and gently

As a first forray into the world of beer and chocolate, I indulged a long-time curiosity: that of the classic supermarket 'value beer'. Being my regular shop of choice, Sainsbury's was the natural option and from there I purchased a 4-pack of Sainsbury's Basics Lager for the low low price of 88p. That's about the same price as a small bottle of mineral water or 11 text messages or, to be more relavant, 8p more than one can of the Carling that was reduced because the cans had been dropped and damaged. Straight away I knew I was onto a winner.

With any product this budget, it's all about the maths. How do it's attributes compare to other brands and is it worth slumming it? Here's a formula:

SBL = C + H20

where SBL is Sainsbury's Basics Lager, C is Carslberg and H20, obviously, is water.

That's what it tastes like. Mix Carlsberg and tap water in equal parts and I'm pretty confident you would get SBL, although in fairness it didn't lose it's fizz like I was expecting so maybe you'd need to give the mix a quick blast in the Soda Stream to get the real deal.

Aside from the taste, this formula also applies to the alcoholic content which, as you can see from the photo, is 2.0% vol. This has obvious drawbacks but look a little deeper and you'll uncover the beauty of this situation. Allow me to remind you that this beer cost me 22p per can, off the shelf, undamaged, and a dented (and probably fizzed up) can of Carling was 80p. More maths:

Carling is, I think, about 4.1% vol and each can contains 440ml of beer.

4.1% of 440ml = 18.04ml of alcohol for 80p. (Carling)

2.0% of 1760ml (440 x 4) = 35.2ml of alcohol for 88p.

That's 95% more alcohol for just 10% more money. Providing you can fit four times as much liquid into your belly at the same rate, or even half the rate, you're quids in! As it turns out, I can't.

I had one can on an empty stomach, then another while I ate this

by which time I could just about tell I'd had a drink. But alas, I had drunk too fast - mainly due to the spiciness of the studenty 'chicken curry and beans on toast with extra hot curry powder' concoction - and I was full. I persevered with the remaining 2 cans but in the end it had taken me the best part of 2 hours to polish off all 4 and if you'd taken that long to drink the equivalent of 2 pints I don't think you'd be drunk either.

Overall it's not a bad purchase. It doesn't taste great but, hey, neither does Carling or Carlsberg or Fosters or any of the other staple lower priced pub lagers, and the figures don't lie - you could effectively get twice as drunk for about half the price of off-the-shelf, undamaged brand lager. But if you intend to utilise this outstanding alcohol-to-price ratio, I wish you the best of luck not getting stomach convulsions because, in reality, the volume-consumption-to-time ratio just doesn't work out.


JG's top tip

Let's face it, your kids are going to go to parties. They're going to get their hands on booze during their teenage years. I mean, you did, right? So instead of standing idly by while they pay well over the odds to get a tramp to buy them a bottle of vodka - spirits are more damaging remember - control their use. Buy little Jimmy a couple of 4 packs of this stuff. He'll take all night to drink it, won't get that drunk and it's weaker tasting so he'll be able to stomach it more. Plus he'll look well cool in front of his mates drinking 8 cans to himself. To hide the cheapo looking can and the 2% that could make him a laughing stock, invest in a a label maker so he can design his own 'Super Strength Hardcore Lager - Not Suitable for Sissies' labels. He'd like that.